old year reflections

This year has been... gosh it's been a lot. The four of us were all reflecting over dinner last night how far God has brought us in the past 12 months, and we were just in awe over how much has happened. If someone had told us December 31, 2010 all the things that would culminate in the next 52 weeks, I know we would have laughed!

I want so much from the new year. I finally want one year to be the one that miraculously brings me all the skills I've been craving so deeply; that brings the extra hours in each day to accomplish all the things running through my mind at any given moment. I want one of these years to be the one I can credit with finally getting it all together and being the Mom I know God wants me to be; to finally be in shape and be that muscular, toned mom that isn't still carrying around 20lbs from her last baby (um, 7 years ago).

But it hits me that all of these things take work. I could have a million new, fresh years but the only thing that is going to bring about the changes I want to see in my life is good ol' effort.

I can complain about not knowing how to sew all I want, but as long as the sewing machine is boxed up in the garage, nothing will change. I can look in the mirror and want to cry at all the new dimples (oh, the dimples!) and rolls, but as long as I'm eating Hershey's kisses for breakfast {hypothetically of course} I am going to go out on a limb here and say those dimples ain't going anywhere. And my goodness, I can pray and pray about being a better mommy every single day of my life (and I do), but if I'm not willing to put into action those thousands of things I swear every night I'll change, it's all just intentions.

I had a totally different direction I wanted to take this when I sat down at my computer. Maybe it's ADD and I just forgot what I was going to say, or maybe I'm just being really hard on myself and don't want to let myself slide anymore. I don't know. But I'm tired of getting older every year and never accomplishing the things that are so important to me.

I can look back on every year of my adult life and see so many things that God did. Ways He pulled us through even the toughest situations; ways He orchestrated huge life changes through even the simplest baby steps.

But why am I willing to stop there? He gives me the desire to do so much more and surely gives me the tools, yet I sit here and let them gather dust. Am I going to see how much He has done, yet be content with not showing how much He can do through me?? Why am I not willing to shout from the rooftops "I'm doing it!!" only so I can point to Him and let my life be a testimony of how fantastically I can fail on my own, but how amazingly He can pull me through and lift me up?

Am I gutsy enough to put it out there, knowing it's not just in the quiet of my home that I voice these desires? Am I willing to be honest about where I want to go with the future so I can be held accountable?

Or, ahem, am I going to close this blog post now with those question marks lingering, never fully opening myself up? Man that's tempting. Then when I fail, no one ever really knew, and I don't have to be honest with how disappointed I am in myself for not trying. I can pretend that I accomplished everything I wanted, and I am fully satisfied with where my life is; who Melody is.

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okay I had full intentions of putting it all out there. but I am so stinking long-winded (which would explain the glazed over look my husband gets when I talk) and the post got WAY too long. so instead I'm putting the rest in a separate blog post. still putting it out there! just in a shorter-winded kind of way. :)

Home

We're here! Weeks of packing and moving and cleaning and tons of the never ending, and we're here. I must be getting older (though I sent out a memo forbidding this) because despite our 15+ moves, it is just getting harder and harder.

The house we moved out of is about 1400 square feet. A lot of our stuff was already in boxes from our last move because we had so little space, an the move seemed like it would be a bit simpler than in the past. But my gracious. It got to a point where I felt like I was still living at the old house and nothing would ever get done. I can tell you, there is no worse time to move than right before Christmas. Augh. And here we are less than two weeks from Christmas and my house is in chaos and I'm trying to get up decorations and have friends over this weekend for a spontaneous little Christmas get together (I guess because I know it will jump start making this house into a home) and I will never move again in December as long as I live! God willing. Because He has a sense of humor like that.

But as I lie here in my comfy new bed (our first since 1996) and flannel sheets and contemplate taking that first step onto the cold floor (that journey to make a cup of coffee is the longest in history), I KNOW that I am blessed so abundantly. I have a million things I would change if I could, but thank you God for it all.

I can't do it all.

I am so overwhelmed. I keep having these days where I just don't know where to start, and I tell myself it's just a day; tomorrow will be better. But then the next day comes and I feel more buried than the day before, and I feel defeated before I even get out of bed. Inevitably, something happens before I've finished my morning coffee that only sets me further back. Today? Our power getting shut off because we overlooked something silly.

I don't expect this to mean anything to anyone when I neglect my blog for weeks and then come on here wailing about my life. I just need to pour it out through my tears because I can't do it all.

We are in the middle of moving and this will be news to anyone I know in real life because we have only told two people (outside of family). One of those is our real estate agent. I am so sick of moving and get so embarrassed when we have to tell people, again, that our address has changed. I guess that's partly the reason I got a P.O. Box with our last move, so now I don't have to tell anyone unless they are trying to figure out why a stranger is now on the other side of the door they're knocking on. haha!

But it's not really the movING that has me upset- this house we're in now is a nightmare and the fact that we rented from friends that valued our rent check more than giving us a home we deserved has made this past year hell. We need to move. But when you set our move-in date 3 weeks before Christmas (actual move-OUT date being a mere 10 days before the holiday) AND invite my family over for Thanksgiving dinner (because I was going to be cooking anyway? what is 5 more people?), you have a woman ripping her hair out.

I just don't know where to start. Pack? Shop for Thanksgiving? Clean the house for our company?

And yeah- Christmas. My very favorite time of year that I swear each time I'll do it differently and plan better. I don't want it to be something I fit in. I want it to be purposeful and reflecting and full of HIM.

I'll be reading our Jesse tree devotionals from a house of boxes and chaos. Surely there's a lesson in all of this.

I need to slow down. I need to know this isn't to all be done in my strength. I am not depending on His strength. I'm telling myself I don't have the time to spend time with Him. But it's the time with Him that motors me forward and strengthens me to be who He wants me to be. Today.

Funny, I searched for the link to Ann Voskamp's Jesse Tree devotional to put above (which is AMAZING. we did it last year and I will remember it forever. can't wait to start it again) and came across interviews of her when her book was released. I have that book. But I guess in the craziness of life I let the to-do lists bury the lists of thankfulness. I started writing this blog post with the intentions of venting with tears pouring down my face. Instead, God opened my eyes.

Arid Zona

At this moment, we are in the car driving to Arizona. Well, we're in Arizona already, so I guess mission accomplished. More specifically though, we are driving out to Phoenix. Big Hunk plays in a baseball tournament every year (the MABL World Series) which lasts about a week, but this time he's playing in two different divisions and we'll be there for 10 days.

This would be the part where I'd say "yay!" except two kids, a dog and a kitten make me question our sanity. Yes, a kitten.

We found pet sitters for all of our animals (except our 11 month old Golden Retriever puppy, whom we were planning to bring all along), but 2 days before we left we have a moment of insanity and decided to bring Ikie's new kitten along. And of course, there's no telling a 7-year old that you briefly lost your mind and that she has to surrender said kitty to her grandparents for 10 days. So, there are 2 adults, 2 kids, a 60 pound Golden Retriever, a 10 week old kitten, 3 Pillow Pets, a huge baseball bag and one giant suitcase in our 9 year old Explorer. And a partridge in a pear tree.

••••••••••••••••••••••••

Fast forward a few hours, and we're now resting comfortably in the condo we rented. Kids are playing Xbox (is it okay to thank God for video games?) and in a moment I will be lying down for a much needed nap. Lord willing. Because He knows getting up at 5:30 this morning and sitting in the car for 6 hours, listening every 10 minutes to someone yell "Slug bug!" (okay that was me) plum wore this mama out.

Thank you Jesus, for Xbox.

Tomorrow Big Hunk has two (3 hour) games, thankfully spread out with a long break in between. Mama can rest and my 6+ hours cheering on my man can be broken up with some coffee and a/c in the middle. That's my kind of sandwich.

Goodnight. It's 4pm and my hot pink earplugs have been placed in their appropriate crevices. Come on sleep.

Get in the wheelbarrow

My pastor shared this video several months ago and I just loved it so much. I was able to share it with Mike & Ike last week as we read Mirette on the High Wire, a fictional story based on Blondin's life. I had to share it with you! It brings tears to my eyes every time.

a day in the life: {fair} 6:30pm

done.

a day in the life: {fair} 4:45pm

7 1/2 hours and still going strong.

(they just made these ropes)

a day in the life: {fair} 11:15am

free milk. apparently there are pink cows around here somewhere.

a day in the life: {fair} 10:30am

oh sister, I know how ya feel.

a day in the life: {fair} 9:42am

a day in the life: {fair} 7:06am

dead tired. went to bed at 1am, alarm quacking at me at 6am. snoozed till 6:30.

L.A. Fair

Tomorrow we are going to the L.A. County Fair!

I never went to the L.A. Fair as a kid. My parents always said they would take us, but because it's always in September and we were in school, they would go with us while we sat and suffered in class.

But since we started homeschooling we've been able to take field trips every year, and we have such a blast. Of course it's never less than 95 degrees and we boil our booties off, but the new baby piglets and chicks make it worth it. {Every year at the end of our trip I'm so hot and exhausted and frustrated with the crowds and rude kids that I swear never again. But September rolls around again and I'm so excited.}

I was hoping Big Hunk could come along with us (and was counting on it, actually) but he can't make it. So I'm going to pray for an extra dose of patience and for a massive storm to blow over and calm down our day by 20 degrees.

If I actually remember, I'll try posting some pics during our day.

That's assuming my brain hasn't melted by noon.

Slug Bug.

Do your kids play this game? Ever since Mike (9) got back from summer camp this year, it's been nonstop in our family. {well, at that point it was "punch buggy", and it just felt unnatural to say that.} {and our game is only a contest, not a reason to hit our brother or sister and make Mommy's nerves shoot out the window.}

I never realized how competitive we are until this seemingly harmless game found it's way to our little brutal family. Or how bad my eyesight is.

What should only be a quick little "slug bug!" comment in an otherwise boring car ride, has turned into us teasing each other as we peer out the windows scouring parking lots or opposing freeway lanes. And it may or may not have ended in tears one night when a certain male member of our family (Big Hunk) yelled so loud that it scared a certain little 7-year old that was blissfully staring out her car window, reflecting on her day at Disneyland.

Hypothetically.

Our rule though is that the game restarts everyday. So if we pass those same Geek Squad cars every single day, you better be the first person to call it. Is there one broken down at the house down the street? Call it.

Ikie is easy because she wants to win, but doesn't want to take her eyes off her DS. Or she is just zoning and doesn't see it until she's the 4th person (of 4) to realize there's one right outside her window.

Big Hunk is a pain though. I swear he has the eyes of an eagle and can see them 3 miles away. He's 9 years older than me and I keep hoping his eyesight will wane, but by time it does I'll be 70.

But you be certain- when that day comes and I'm driving my little Lincoln Towncar with my hands at ten and two and my head barely over the steering wheel, and my husband is in the passenger seat dozing off with his wraparound sunglasses, I will be ready.

I've never been more thankful for shoes.

The fam & I went out to dinner tonight, and afterwards decided to get frozen yogurt.

Well.

After filling up our adorable Hello Kitty cups with yummy candy goodness (and a little yogurt too), we decided to sit outside. So. We all headed for one of the wrought-iron benches that sat next to a pretty fountain.

I spot some sort of (what I thought to be) old fruit on the bench, and reach my leg up to sweep it off with my flip-flop.

Keep in mind it was about 8pm, and dark out. Apparently a lot of things can look like mushy banana at 8 o'clock at night.

Well this mystery "fruit" just smeared. All across the bench.

I instantly think it's peanut butter, so I just laugh and sit down anyway. {I was at least a foot from the stuff, mind you}

Well my darling husband is severely grossed out and says "It looks like poop!" but I don't believe him and just follow him as we walk to a different bench.

Sure enough, he smells my shoe and it's poop. POOP!

At this point I'm laughing hysterically and my poor husband is trying to rinse my flip-flop in the fountain. I'm pretty sure people were pointing and laughing at this point. And Big Hunk couldn't stop freaking out that there would just be poop sitting (lying?) on a bench.

So I can only count my blessings that I ignored my mommy instinct and didn't brush off the "fruit" with my hand.

Testing

Downloaded the Blogger app for my iPhone (why can't I ever start sentences with "I"?? "I downloaded..." It's a sickness) and wanted to test it out real quick. Of course 2 weeks after I get my new laptop and am excited about finally blogging again, I find the Blogger app and can do it from my phone anyway. But shhh! Don't tell Big Hunk! He might steal my laptop away!

The most wonderful time of the year.

Have you ever seen that commercial with the dad dancing up and down every school supply aisle, while "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" played on the store speakers? That commercial always made me crack up. Still does, even though I am jealous of that guy because he clearly gets to send his kids off everyday, and mine are always in the next room, fighting.

Nah, it's not that bad. And I really do love homeschooling. Especially in September! Everything is fresh and exciting. January, however, would have me dancing up and down the aisles if I could take the rest of the year off.

We started school today and I wish I could bottle Ikie's excitement as she completely 3 1/2 math worksheets, constantly asking to "do more school." Any bets how long it will be before she's groaning and saying she hates school?

But both kids were eager and happy to learn today, so I will take it one day at a time. We are using Five in a Row again, after a really successful last year. On top of that, we are also doing math (of course, blech) and Apologia science again. Last year we did Apologia Astronomy (LOVED it!), so this year we are starting their zoology studies. We are in Zoology I, which is the flying creatures of the 5th day. So far I can tell we'll be studying wasps and beetles on top of the furry flying things, so that should be fun.

Tomorrow night the kids go back to Awana (except this year it's not Awana anymore, they're calling it ITZ), and I start Bible study again. I can't wait! I miss Bible study SO much during the summer and can never wait to go back. I stepped down from any kind of leadership this year (last year I was an assistant group leader) only because I have so much going on with children's ministry.

Okay I'm even boring myself here.

Really quick and I'll explain more later, but have you heard of the book The Beauty Detox Solution?

 I'm still not too far along in it but have been reading Kim's blog and Facebook updates for a few weeks, and about a week or so ago started her Glowing Green Smoothie that I've been reading about everywhere. My goodness, I have never felt better. I just feel so good. My energy is a million times better (today I didn't even need coffee *gasp!*) and my skin has completely cleared up. Yeah, we won't even go into the teenage acne that decided to camp out on my face on my 29th birthday and never leave.

Anyway.

Gotta get rest to handle the 2nd day of school excitement.

Melly out.

Hey you.

I'm back.

I created another blog several months ago to cut down some walls of anonymity (which I hate), but it has really hit me that though I can't really stand using code names for my kids and husband, if it's what I have to do to keep my kids safe, you do what you gotta do. I would so much rather annoy everyone calling my kids Mike (the boy) and Ike (the girl) and still be able to share details of my life, than share everything under the sun with no boundaries and later realize how much it hurt us. I read so many blogs of people that have no problem opening that window to their life and I guess I tried to be like them, but it's just not worth it. I don't want to live with trepidation of sharing what we did over the weekend or what we do, all just because I share our names and I'm afraid someone will put 2 & 2 together.

Don't know if it makes sense to anyone else. ;)

Anyway. I'm back. Partially because of what I've written, and also because the most awesome husband in the world (mine) bought me a laptop for my birthday yesterday (my 5th annual 29th birthday!) and I feel like blogging is an attainable goal again. It was just flipping impossible to sit at the desktop computer for any length of time without the house falling apart! Not to mention I just feel like we have too much going on. Now I can divert my eyes from the trillionth episode of Sports Center my husband has on, and bore you to death instead. It's a win-win.

New blog address

After months of hating this blog and neglecting it like crazy, I finally created a new one. More me, less blah. If you'd like to visit, drop a comment w/your email addy and I'll send the link . :)