Back in the dark ages...

...forty-one years ago, my sweet husband was born. (I won't mention the fact that my parents weren't even married yet; so I was still 8 years and some months away from being made. But we won't mention that.)

Big Hunk (also known as Tom to anyone that can't handle the truth) and I met at a gas station (where I worked) in late 1995. I was just fresh out of high school and he was, um, not. But it was love at first sight and I adored this man with every ounce of my being from the moment we first exchanged pager numbers.

{I may or may not recall one of his first words to me being "chocolate", but I swear that had nothing to do with it.}

When I met and fell in love with Tom, I was given an incredible opportunity most women don't get. I was able to see what a wonderful daddy he was from the moment we met.

And though I didn't need any assistance wanting to spend the rest of my life with this man, it certainly didn't hurt to see how caring and loving he was with his boys. Fixing their owies; comforting them as they cried when we had to drop them back off at their mom's; making every sacrifice possible to better their lives. He was, and is, a great dad.

We have walked quite a rocky road, but we always find one another at the end of it. When I met my Big Hunk, he was a single dad of two little boys that were 4 & 6. Now, nearly 14 years later, we have been married 10 years, have two little ones of our own, and his sons are grown.

Happy Birthday my sweet man. I love you so very much and am a better woman because of you.

Oh yes, you complete me.

Horrible night

*11/15 Edited to add: I typed this last night from my cell phone, so if there are typos or doesn't make sense I'm sorry. ;)*

I would have to say tonight easily ranks as my worst ever. But I can look back now and see God's hand in all of it and see how He orchestrated it all so beautifully.

It started with a phone call. I was with friends about 30 minutes from my house (my friend had driven us). After being there exactly an hour, my friend (whose daughter was babysitting Mike & Ike) called to tell me she had just talked to her daughter J and that Ikey was bleeding. She said Mikey was calling BH (whom was still at work) and she was heading right over there.

I went inside & whispered to my friend Jen that I needed her to pray for Ike. She took me aside & prayed for my sweet girl. I knew it could be something totally minor, and prayed that was the case.I honestly didn't think it would be anything major, and just thought my friend was giving me the heads up to be safe.

I was able to get hold of BH right away and he was on his way home. He didn't know much until he got there, but he told me that our dog Roxy had bitten Ikey on the face. When he got home, he called me and told me "you need to get home NOW."

My sweet friend drove me to the ER where J's mom had driven Big Hunk and Ikie. It took forever! Saturday evening and we managed to hit Friday rush hour traffic. I was so thankful I didn't have to drive though; I was a basketcase.

When I got to the ER I went back to Ikie's room (turns out BH went through the ambulance entrance and ensured himself prompt attention in doing so) and the nurse was explaining to Ikey that they would need to give her a shot. Um yeah. That went over well. My daughter can't scrape her knee without screaming bloody murder, so telling her she'd get a shot was awesome. Anyway, they were giving her K*etamine, which is actually the street drug S*pecial K. The doc explained it would put her in a trance- she wouldn't be knocked out but she would be completely unaware of what was going on. Wow- that girl was out of it so darn quick (after screaming at the top of her lungs through the shot) and the nurses were shocked. (The doctor had gotten on the phone because he thought it would take much longer, lol.)

Her eyes immediately glazed over and she stopped responding to us. It was just surreal. Had they not explained what would happen, I would have freaked out.

The doctor proceeded to give Ikey her stitches, and we waited in the hall (I couldn't handen, I would have freaked out. The doctor proceeded to give Ikey her stitches, and we waited in the hall (I couldn't handle the gurgling and groaning noises she was making). After about 10 minutes (or 10 hours, in mommy time) the doctor explained everything and we waited for her to wake up. And waited. Suffice it to say she had no desire to leave her slumber! They had us tickling her feet and talking to her nonstop to get her to wake up, but she wasn't having it. It took us probably an hour before she was awake enough to leave- she couldn't even lift her head, let alone walk like one nurse had originally said was required. Thankfully after many pleas from my baby girl to go home, they let us go.

Now my sweet girl is lying between my husband and me, completely peaceful. It is a true miracle she has had no pain thus far. There should be minimal scarring. I can't even begin to show my appreciation for the tons of people praying for my girl tonight; I am so so grateful.

I am thankful for so many things tonight.

• I am thankful my husband was only down the street. 
• I'm thankful my friend (whose daughter was babysitting) was close by and was able to rush over.
• I'm thankful I had asked my friend to drive tonight.
• I am so thankful my baby girl had her daddy there to comfort her and hold her (he was so amazing with her!).
• I am thankful for my amazing friends, lifting up my sweet girl in prayer, when my spirit could only groan.
• I am very thankful for the nursing staff & doctor that cared for my little girl so swiftly and lovingly.

Most of all, I am so very thankful my God knew exactly what would happen, long before it did, and that His hand was on my baby girl the entire time.

Throw up your Rawkfist

About a week ago we went to Creation Festival, and it was so fun. I won tickets a couple months ago on the radio (read: caller 10) and I didn't even know what it was. But when I looked it up and saw that Thousand Foot Krutch, FM Static & Audio Unplugged (among others) would be there, well let's just say they had me at hello. We took both the kiddos, so needless to say our afternoon chores include a trip to buy earplugs. I don't know if they were so much for the kids, or for me to drown out the kids, but whatever.

the California Theatre, where the concert was held. it was old and so so beautiful. i just love places like that, that are so rich with history.

me & baby girl, in the oh-so-glamorous bathroom shot.

apparently mom is the only one that didn't get the memo about the silly face shot. (love ikey's tonsils.)

the first band was one we love, {fm static}. they were so great and i wish they had played more than 3 songs!

next up was a band i really didn't care for, so no pics of them. 

but  then {audio unplugged} was awesome! like an hour of listening to them tell stories and play all their old {audio adrenaline} hits.

this is will from {audio unplugged} and he adored ikey. <3 i have a video of him watching her dance and pointing her out to mark.

mark from {audio}

and the band we came for, {thousand foot krutch}! we were so excited to see them, and they definitely did not let us down.(the lead singer, trevor, and the drummer are from {fm static}, as well.

When we arrived at the concert, we had no clue what kind of seats we'd have. Turns out we had front row! So not only super loud, but super awesome. We left before Jars of Clay played because it was already almost 10pm and the kids were getting worn out, but I am so thankful we got to go.

So proud.

The kids' Awana group is trying to recruit shoeboxes of gifts and goodies for Operation Christmas Child, and their boxes are due tonight. Boxes that will bless little boys and girls all over the world that may not know any other Christmas.

Last week I told Mikey that I just didn't know if we could afford it right now. (Seriously. I could not kick myself more now.) His answer? "Well just take it out of my allowance!"

Yes I cried. And yes I am so stinking proud that he wouldn't even miss a beat- he just knew we needed to do it.

And no I'm not taking it out of his allowance.

I think his willingness just speaks volumes about his little heart and I am so very proud of him.

Don't ever wear a tube top to feed the geese.

If you clicked on this entry just because you thought you'd hear about the correlation between tube tops and geese, I'm sorry. It's just a quote from Phineas & Ferb that I can't help but love. But I'm pretty sure you can figure out why you wouldn't wear a tube top to feed geese. I'm hoping.

Oy. This post has been 2 days in the making. I don't know what is up with me, but something is going on with this 32-year old body. Like someone convinced her that she's actually 80 and that Geritol is desirable. Seriously, I'm about to break out into a Garth Brooks song about how my knees are creaking and my eyesight ain't what it used to be. Except my Alzheimer's prevents me from remembering the words.

I was so so blessed on Saturday night to be able to meet my sweet bloggy real-life friend Linny. She and her beautiful daughter Emma were in town for the Revolve tour here locally, so I basically stalked Linn and told her I had to see her. I've just admired her from the second I first found her blog in January (has it really only been that long?) and I've wanted to meet her ever since. She really is even more amazing than I thought. Just a true, Godly woman that loves and treasures the Lord and all the amazing gifts He's given her (like her ten beautiful children!). We had a blast, and hung out at the mall for a while while Emma & her friend shopped. Okay, we shopped too, but mostly talked. ;) It was such a great time and I am so thankful I can call Linny my friend.

On Sunday the fam took the trek down to meet my parents at a pumpkin patch that we've visited a couple times before. Except this time we were much more aware of the two hour drive and the thousands of people there to join us. For some reason, that combined with the 85 degree heat just didn't make for the best of days. The kids had fun though and that's all that mattered. We ate our picnic lunch, then let the kids go in the petting zoo, the straw maze (um, yeah. they couldn't even make it a corn maze. it was a maze of hay bales. bales that you could see over and that kind of defeats the point of a maze, or is it just me?) and then on the hayride. We ended the day by letting the kids pick out pumpkins that weigh the amount of a small child and were on our way. It was a good day but I don't think we'll go again. There are other places much closer that will charge us $2 to pet a stinky goat that tries to eat your shoelaces.

Big Hunk is off on Mondays so we headed down to Disneyland. I have missed it oh-so-much and I was so excited to go. Perhaps even more than the kids, but what can I say? These wrinkles are just for show and I'm really a kid at heart. A kid that complains about the $14 parking (no, I'm not kidding).

I won't go into all the details (you're welcome) but I will recap it like this: arrived. found parking spot less than 2 miles from the escalator (miracle). got to disneyland. realize we left our parking pass in our car (which we need to buy our annual parking pass). big hunk takes the tram back to our car, I head inside with the grams and gramps and the littlest ankle biter. before we even get in the park, I start seeing spots- a sure sign that a migraine is about to hit me hard. find first-aid once we step foot (or two) in the park and then track down some migraine medicine, all while not being able to see a darn thing. migraine proceeds to hit full force within 15 minutes, and this has become an even longer recap than I expected. i will speed it up. went on rides. ate. left. better?

We really had a lot of fun and I love hanging out with my parents. Big Hunk was a little grouchy (the happiest place on earth does that to him) but I have to admit, it was a tad crowded. Not his favorite combination. I can't wait to take the kids again though and I'm thinking of going back in a few days with my boychild to have a little date night. Fun stuff.

I will leave with you a few photos that will hopefully drown out the bad memories of my rambling.

linny & i. i was laughing so darn hard as we were taking these pictures that I don't look normal at all. which might be a good thing.

but isn't linny gorgeous?

our cute little farmer family at a little place we like to call "Nate's Butt Farm"
(if I even get hits from google searches for "butt farms" I'm going to lose it)

i love Ikey's face here. she was laughing hysterically because the sheep just stuck his whole face in her food bag, apparently too busy to be bothered with a little thing called 'waiting'

i just loved this pig, he was so sweet and mellow (maybe because he was fat and couldn't move??). i've always wanted a pig and he just looked so cool.

swooning over the baby bunny (can you even tell it's a rabbit? well it is)

love this pic!!

i'm going to have to do another post of the pics of disneyland. this took entirely too much time and too much room.

thanks for checking them out!

Blah-tastic

I was working on an entry today, and even mentioned how it had taken me two days to write it. Well, make that three because it is now 12:15am and this girl ain't 31 anymore so I need to get to bed.

I haven't been feeling well for a few days so I have had no drive to do a single thing (Google says I have cancer by the way). Feeling yucky along with cleaning up after my team of Olympic gold-medalist human tornadoes has left my creative juices parched.

Off to bed I go, it's much too late.

Singing that Pointer Sister song

I am so darn thrilled, I get to meet Linny tonight!

When I heard on Thursday that she was on her way out to my neck of the woods (from Colorado!) I told her I HAD to see her. And I'm sure I only partially came across as a stalker. So we were trying to coordinate a time that would work since she's only out here for a couple days, and it seems that tonight will be perfect- I can't wait! Big Hunk will be off work so I don't have to track down a babysitter (which would have been impossible today, being all of them have a volleyball game today), and I can take my time.

I just adore Linny and I feel so blessed that I get to meet her!

Testing

Yay, it worked! Testing out using my cell to post pics and stuff, since it's always attached to me anyway.

Remembering.

I was unaware when I woke up this morning that it was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. But, sadly, because I have so many friends that have experienced this loss, I quickly saw all the cute thumbnails on Facebook to let me know. I wish with all my heart that not a single one of them had had to post that today to remember their losses- that they had never lost those babies at all and that today would just be another normal, cool October day.

In November of 2005, I was blissfully pregnant. I hadn't been that way since the beginning though. I found out I was expecting our third baby the month before, and I will admit there was no joy at first. We had our perfect family- one boy, one girl. I had stopped nursing my youngest just one month prior and I was so thrilled to have my body back to lose that baby weight that was plaguing me and I had no intentions of giving it up again.

So when I found out I was pregnant again, it took several weeks to embrace the positive pregnancy test and daydream about the day I would hold my sweet newborn in my arms while cuddling my older two. I admit I was completely selfish. It was all about me and I knew it was wrong. But it didn't stop me. I did finally get there though, and I started to enjoy the changes my body was going through (okay, some not so much) and long for that day I could watch my daughter become a big sister. Our perfect family was about to become more perfect.

Right before Thanksgiving, we spent a day and night in the mountains with my sister-in-law and enjoyed ourselves. We all had a blast and suspected nothing. However on Sunday after we returned home, I had the tiniest speck of blood when I used the restroom. I let my fears get the best of me and researched every possible thing I could find about miscarrying. But then it never happened again. My fears were unfounded and I realized it was nothing. Until Tuesday, the day after my husband's birthday. Nothing could prepare me for what I was about to experience. My husband was letting me sleep in (I was sick), but I ran downstairs really quick to get a cough drop. As I walked back up the stairs, I felt a gush and I knew. I knew my world was falling apart and there was nothing I could do. Strangely, I just went back to bed and cried. I told my husband what was happening, but I didn't rush off to the doctor. I just pleaded with God and cried. I spent the rest of the day wondering when all of the horrible things I had read about would happen, but realized in the evening I was just impatient. I remember sitting on the bed with my kids in incredible pain right before they were to go to sleep, and I was watching TV. During a commercial I switched the channel to some music awards show and Rob Thomas had just come on, singing "Ever the Same". I completely broke down. That song has ever since been my song and will almost always guarantee a few tears from this woman.

That night, I had to take myself to the ER because my bleeding had become so extreme, and Big Hunk had to stay home with our sleeping children. I endured 3 hours of tests and insensitive medical staff to finally just go home and deal with the emotional and physical aspects of my loss. Though I dealt with the physical burdens of losing my baby for over 3 weeks, it was nothing compared to the emotional torment and heartache I experienced. It truly rocked my world like nothing else. During those days I was so thankful to God- for my wonderful husband that would do anything to take away my pain in a second; a very special friend that admitted she didn't always know the right words to say, but was there for me with a listening ear and a shoulder; and a loving mom that could never understand the pain her daughter was going through, but cried with her.

I made it through.

I learned so much during those days. I learned that it wasn't all about me. I hated myself because I hadn't appreciated the gift God had given me. I got through to the other side and realized that God knew all along that my baby would be with him in Heaven long before I ever held it. I learned that I really did want to have another baby, and that nothing could fill that yearning in my heart that my loss had created.


I got pregnant again, twice, and lost my babies in March and August 2008.

Each one has taught me something and strengthened my heart just a little. They have helped me to a be a better friend to those that have to endure it. They have helped me appreciate God's plan for my life more than my own. They've helped me hold on to my kids tighter and see them for the amazing gifts they are.

I would never wish the pain my losses have caused me on anyone. Yet I know that so very many women endure the same pain everyday and it breaks my heart. If you have endured this type of loss, please leave a comment so I can pray for you today and remember your baby with you. Our babies may not be held in our arms this side of Heaven, but their legacy can live on now.

Beautiful day

We had a {really} awesome day today. Maybe it was just the peacefulness of spending a day lounging around with no concrete plans, but it was the best day we’ve had in a while.

We started off our day watching the 9am Angel game, and cheering them on for the next 3 ½ hours. (Um yeah, by the way… they won!) Seriously one of the best games I’ve watched in a long time. So after I was done cheering them on (loudly) and acting all giddy-like, my parents came over a little while later. My darn car hasn’t started in a week (the first real problem we’ve had since we bought it 6 years ago) so since my parents have AAA, they came over so we could tow it down to Big Hunk’s work. It’s super convenient that he works at an automotive shop, but silly that we had to have it towed the 3 miles there. Hopefully it’s nothing major, but it doesn’t sound like it to this trained ear. Ahem. No comments please.

While my parents were over we took the kids in the spa, and just hung out and talked. Well, most of us did. Big Hunk was enjoying his spot on the couch watching football. ;) It was just a really nice, relaxing day. I can’t remember the last time we’ve had one of those! We’re always so jam-packed with activities and to-do lists that we forget to just enjoy each other.

Yesterday the Goodyear Blimp flew over our house. The kids were SO excited! It was amazing how close it was. Turns out it flew over again today, but not quite as close and we were so thankful we had that chance yesterday. Not something you see (from your doorstep) everyday!







So dear friends, on a final note, I have a question. And I would really really love your input, because this just has me baffled.

Have you ever had someone that wants out of your life and swears they want nothing to do you, but then practically stalks you afterward? It's just so bizarre to me, really... reading my blog on a daily basis, checking my Twitter account... So what do you think keeps people coming back for the very thing they swear they hate? Do you ever do that in your life? (okay not so much on the stalking, because if you do, I probably don't want to know.) ;-) But I know some of you might have really awesome insights into this kind of thing, and I would love to hear them.

On that note, have a great Monday! <3