Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Stuck somewhere between now and then.

You know what's fun? Looking at pictures of yourself from when your youngest (now 9 1/2 year old) child was less than a year old and realizing you were skinnier then than you are now (and of course I felt disgusting.) Not quite the before and after pictures I was hoping for.

Last night I spent close to 4 hours not cleaning my house looking at old photos and videos from of when my kids were babies. Oh I could do that for days. I am so thankful I have taken so many videos of them and can hear their cute little voices and lisps again. It seems like yesterday that they were that tiny, yet at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago. So many hilarious memories, and so many times I will treasure forever with my family.

I want more kids so badly. And while we're trusting God in that area (though I'm pretty sure my husband's trusting is in the form of "please God don't let her get pregnant"), it hasn't happened yet. But the thing is, part of the reason I've been wanting it so bad is because I feel like I didn't appreciate the baby and toddler years enough. Like I was so overwhelmed and crazyfied (okay I really was) to really savor the moments, and I guess I kinda felt like I needed a do-over. But after watching all these videos and looking at literally thousands of photos covering even just a year or two, I realize that's not the case. I see that I truly did appreciate those years and knew that they would be fleeting. I know I still at times wished away the years wanting my kids to be walking/potty-trained/talking/reading/self-sufficient and cursed the fact that my daughter needed me to fall asleep every hour of every night for a while (see: human pacifier), I know I loved every minute of it. I guess I kinda forgot that.

But I still want to do it all over again.


Monday, January 6, 2014

intentional.

The other morning (okay, probably New Year's, because duh) I saw a pic on Kelly's Instagram that had her "annual" New Year's resolutions: lose 30 pounds {and yes, it was totally like she was in my head}, get organized, read the Bible in a year, and after those were crossed out, BE INTENTIONAL was written below.

Okay I know the word intentional is thrown around like crazy right now, but it just hit me. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. As in, I pretty much go on a FB break seemingly every month or two and slowly ease back into it, then am fully obsessed again after like 3 days. I just seem to be lacking that portion of self-control that tells most human beings they don't have to be on Facebook every hour, checking to make sure no one had a meal that I haven't heard about yet.

Okay not really, because that drives me nuts {even though I do it too}.

But really. WHY do I think anything is going to change so drastically in anyone's life over the course of a couple hours that I have to be on there so much??

So anyway, that morning. I'll have you know that I had no lofty goals that morning when I woke up, and certainly didn't feel like martyring out the teeny bit of social life I have left. But as I talked to God that morning and really prayed that He would help me cut out distractions in my life this year so I can really focus on Him and my family, He immediately spoke to me that Facebook had to go. Okay while I make it quite clear that I really don't like FB, can I just say I love it too? I don't have many friends I talk to on a regular basis, and I don't feel like I'm really that girl that anyone usually calls to hang out. And I feel lonely quite a bit, I'll be honest. So to completely wipe myself off from the face of the earth as far as social media goes, it's a little intimidating.But when you hear God's voice, it's usually always best to listen.
************************************
And here it is, January 6th (I started this Friday night though. I'm nothing if not on the ball), and my FB is still up and running and I'm more active than I have been in a while on there.My point? Cut the umbilical cord, woman. (This alone should speak loud and clear how much I need a little intentional in my life. Good gracious.)

I really didn't want this whole post to be about the F-word, but I fear that if I don't hit submit now {3 days after starting it} I will never finish and this will hang in Blogger land like most other posts I ever start.

I will just say this. 2014 being the year of intentional for me means holding every moment captive. Being able to look back on my days without regret over how I spent those minutes. Knowing I didn't waste away time with my kids while I sat with my face in my phone yet wondered why they look so much older today. Spending face to face time with my husband. Not looking back on my marriage and wondering when we grew apart. I want to live all in. I want to give it all. I want to walk away knowing I gave my family the best I had, not my leftovers. So maybe that's a better goal:

ALL IN.



**edited to add: I will still be on Instagram because that is not nearly the time suck for me that fb is, and God willing I will finally figure out how to blog more than twice a year.**

Friday, August 16, 2013

Because two is better than one, right?

I decided to create a fitness blog. Because yes, if ignoring one blog for months on end is good, then ignoring two is awesome. It's brand new so it's super ugly and boring {as opposed to this cute and boring one}, and the only post right now is a duplicate of the one before this. So basically I created another blog to say the exact same nothings I say here. There is no understanding my brain, I tell you.

http://runswithtutus.blogspot.com

Thursday, August 15, 2013

A million years later, a 2012 Disneyland Half recap

Warning: photo heavy!

I have been laid up on the couch all day, thanks to a nagging achy back that blasted full throttle into debilitating pain last night. Thanks, back. It has been hurting for a few weeks and I've been seeing the chiropractor every week, and it was finally getting better after I tweaked the way I've been sleeping (for nearly 10 years...). The chiro said it looked better this past weekend, so I never gave it another thought. But somehow I destroyed it at the beach on Tuesday. Apparently sitting for 6 hours talking to a friend is very strenuous. 

So, my friend picked up the kids to take them to the last (free) summer movie and lunch while I did nothing but stay in the horizontal position all day and feel sorry for myself. It wasn't all bad though. I did get to start a chick flick in a perfectly silent house with no one needing a thing from me. That was a new experience. 

In unrelated [but sorta related] news, the Disneyland Half Marathon is in 2 1/2 weeks! That is related to my back because, holy freakout mama. I was so worried that if this didn't go away, I wouldn't be able to run. I can't even tell you how crushed I would be. Training for months, endless excitement, planning, endless excitement... Anyway, I guess I'm not used to pain that doesn't leave because it makes me a little dramatic. Prayerfully this is nothing a day on the couch, ibuprofen and tons of ice can't solve, as well as a visit to my chiropractor tomorrow morning. 

Okay so I guess it was pretty related because I'm talking about my back again. 

The Half Marathon is seriously one of the most fun things I've ever done. I realize that I never shared pictures here. So what better time? 


{port-a-potties for miles. just try maneuvering one of these beauties at dark o'clock with a giant tutu in the way of your, uh, tushy}

{my boy and I at the race expo, ready to hear former Olympian Jeff Galloway speak} 
{me and Jeff Galloway. this man and his run/walk method are entirely to thank for my 
being able to finish a Half Marathon. he is a genius.}
{I ran with my dear friend Annaliese. Having her there definitely helped with my nerves!}
{um, are we really going to do this?} {apparently the lady behind us was thinking the same thing}
{me, Walt, and Annaliese}


{it's an understatement to say we were excited to run down through Disneyland}





{my awesome husband got the kids up at the crack of dawn and drove all over Anaheim to meet me FIVE times during the race. he is seriously the best. see my baby girl's tutu to match mine?}


{Lightning McQueen came to see us! ;)}

{seriously so cool. it was so unreal to run through Angel stadium with a huge crowd cheering for us. it was deafening.}

{their 4th stop to see me was just outside of Angel Stadium}

{there was not a stretch of road that did not have someone cheering us on. school bands, cheer squads, boy scout troops, you name it. i wish every run were like this!}
{we split up after mile 7; reunited at the finish line. (annaliese was ellie from Up)}

{my baby girl's sign}

{WE DID IT!!}
{my amazingly supportive, tired family}
 
{bio-freeze is our friend!}
This was truly one of my best experiences ever. I will never forget it. We ran 13.1 miles, but from the looks of our goofy smiles and the amount of giggling we did, you'd think we were at a party. It was seriously the most fun thing I've ever done and I can't imagine any race being as fun as a Disney race! So many things I want to always remember. Seeing my husband and kids at mile markers 1, 5, 7, 9 and at the finish (and oh the tears I cried at the finish! And, the entire last mile); running the first 7.5 miles or so with my dear friend, having the time of our lives; stopping with Annaliese to play in the sprinklers someone had left on for the runners (I vaguely remember Annaliese taking a drink from it too, haha!); the massive amount of classic cars and their owners cheering for us; high-fiving all of the Disney cast members down Main Street (even the germaphobe ones that weren't so convinced); World of Color playing for us as we ran through CA Adventure; high-fiving all of the Boy Scouts that came to cheer us on... Are we noticing a trend here? I honestly think, as crazy as this sounds, that the strings of people high-fiving us were my favorite part! It was just so much fun! I remember one cast member on Main Street that was waving to us but I ran up to him and said, "Come on, you know you want to!" and high-fived him.

Reminiscing about that day only makes me SO much more excited for this year. Two weeks from today I'll be at the Expo shopping my heart out (hello birthday money!) and hearing Jeff Galloway speak again, then spending the day at Disneyland with my family. Then, on September 1st, my 36th birthday, I will run in my second Half Marathon. Eeeeek!!

Monday, July 22, 2013

After 8 months does the title even matter?

So, yeah. Every time I have the best intentions to sit down and write a post, life happens. And then I find myself thinking that if I'm going to post, it has to be some monumental mess of words. Because, after all, it's been months. Surely I'd have something important to say after all this time, right?

No. I do not, in fact, have anything important to say. ;)

We've just been trucking along and living life. Mike is turning 11 on Sunday and Ikey turned 9 last month. We had a really successful school year and I'm SO glad for how it all ended. It was the first year we've had that was just really smooth and that everything kind of clicked. We studied California history together, for science we used Apologia's Swimming Creatures of the 5th Day, and then the kids each did their own math and language arts curriculum. It was a great year.

Work has been really rough for Big Hunk. He has been under SO much stress. Really, this is the worst it has been for us in years. We've had many times in our 17 years together when we've struggled. But now they just suck. Maybe it's because we're getting older and just expect it to be over, or maybe it's just that we're frustrated we're not learning whatever lesson God keeps trying to teach us. lol Either way, it's hard.

I'm running the Disneyland Half Marathon again this year! I am SO excited. And yes, I know that I never even posted about last year's. Maybe sometime before September... ;) This year I'm raising money for the Special Olympics of Southern CA and I am so thrilled to be partnering with them this year. In June I was able to attend their summer games, and was so inspired. It was amazing to see the way every single person in the crowds would cheer and scream for every single athlete, not stopping until each competitor crossed the finish line. Or to see the joy on the gymnasts' faces when their names were called to receive their medals. I am so happy to be a part of the amazing work SOSC does for their athletes and their families. It is truly inspirational.

Our summer hasn't been anything too extravagant, but at the same time we're having a good time. I don't want summer to end! We've gone to the summer movies several times with friends, 3 beach trips, Disneyland (up until a few weeks ago, before we were blocked out for forever and a day), and of course, sports. Mikey made it onto the All Star baseball team again this year, so for a good month that's all our lives consisted of. ;) Of course he had a blast and even though our team didn't do very well, I love watching my boy play ball. Sometimes you get the chance to witness your kids doing something that just absolutely clicks for them and that they enjoy more than anything else in the world. That is baseball for my boy. He is so good, and loves it more than anything he could ever do. It is so much fun to be in the presence of that kind of joy.

Okay well baby steps. I have officially broken my 8 month silence. Now anything less than that is progress. :-)

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Black Friday Prank

Oh my gracious, you have to watch this. It started out as a cute prank for Black Friday by Improv Everywhere. It ended up with me near tears and loving them a million times more.



Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Urgent!!

Please please visit my friend Linny's blog and call your Senator today! This is an urgent matter and our voice needs to be heard. Our parental rights are being threatened!


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

friendly.

Bam.

Two posts in two weeks. How's that for consistency? Before you know it I'll bathe each morning and eat three meals a day. Who knows what could happen when you let loose a monster like me? The possibilities are endless.

After weeks of internal battling, I decided to close my Facebook account. It's a tough thing for me, but a decision I felt the Lord has been leading me to make for quite some time. I actually deactivated my account for the week and a half or so leading up to Thanksgiving, expecting it to be hard. But it was actually the opposite. I felt such relief, like I had so much more time on my hands. I guess that shows what a horrible steward of my time I am, if simply shutting myself off a website suddenly opens up my days for me, huh?

It's hard because I don't feel like I have a lot of friends I talk to much or hang out with, so in a way I feel like I'm cutting myself off from the few relationships I have. But in all honesty, Facebook tends to only feed my insecurities and make me feel lonelier than ever. I can't really put my finger on it, but it hit me when in my study of James, Beth Moore said that in today's social networking world, our relationships are a mile wide and an inch deep. I mean, we have hundreds of friends online that know what we had for lunch or where we went over the weekend, but they don't have a clue what we're really struggling with or why we cried this morning or what we pray for every night while everyone in our house sleeps. So instead of focusing my time on "liking" photos of cute puppies, I need to surrender that time to the One who can heal those hurts and can pull me close to Him when I feel lonely.

I love my friends. So much. But whatever depth of relationship I have with them, I need to never let them take priority over my God. And I guess I need to give myself a little slack and stop comparing my life with everyone else's. If a FB break is how I do that, then it is what it is.

Okay so I've spent the entire evening typing a post about how I waste too much time on Facebook. There's got to be some irony in that somewhere.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Dust.

I have seriously had a blog post rolling around in my head (with plenty of thumps, because it's a doozy) for 2 months now. I don't know why I haven't sat down to write it yet. Fear? Laziness? My guess is the fear. Because it will surely bring forth the sorrow I've tried desperately to bury for so long.

We are doing well. Tim's business has been taking a nosedive the past several months and the poor guy has been under TREMENDOUS stress. Owning a business is a faith tester, that's for sure. But a God is good, so so good. And I know we will find our way out of this labyrinth. In the meantime I wish my poor man could sleep and get a moment of peace. That seems impossible anymore.

The kids (10 & 8) are doing great. I love homeschooling them and this year had been a blast so far. I can't imagine not being home with them everyday. Mikey is playing soccer right now and while it's a lot more challenging to him than baseball (which comes as naturally as breathing), he loves it and it's so fun to watch him. He's also going to follow in Mama's running footsteps and run a 5K next month. He's so excited! He and I ran a couple miles the other night and the kid smoked me. He will have no problem running 3.1!

Ikey is no longer in dance. She wanted a change and I wanted to get away from the ill-run dance school we were part of. I miss watching her, but she'll be starting soccer with the local Christian sports league in our area. I can't wait to see her play! I was never too active as a kid and I think it's so important. I think if I had had better eating and exercise habits when I was younger, it maybe wouldn't have been so hard to discipline myself now that I'm older. But who knows. I just know it's so hard to have 2 kids and throw in the responsibilities of life while trying to completely change the way you've done things all your life.

I'm learning.

I'm leading a Bible study group this year at our church. We are doing Beth Moore's study on James. SO good. I'm also trying to tackle memorizing the whole book of James, though I'm barely at the end of the 1st chapter. Rich stuff in there though.

I'm hoping to sign up for another half-Marathon to force myself to stay in training. The past 2.5 months since I ran the Half have been a downward spiral in terms of fitness. Starting a new school year is definitely a time sucker. So I'm hoping that if I at least sign up for another one I can start back up my training and not drop the ball again this time.

Okay enough about me. ;)

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Half Marathon Training- the last 3 days.

Back in February, I posted that I had registered for the Disneyland Half Marathon. That also ended up being one of my most recent blog posts... I'm nothing if not totally inconsistent. Consistently inconsistent, actually.

Anyway, with the Half Marathon in just 3 days, it's hard to sum up what these last almost 7 months have been for me. In all honesty, it has been a journey on which I never really knew what to expect, nor if I'd even reach the end. In February it was easy to click "Register" and dream lofty dreams of long Saturday runs and peaceful mornings with just the sound of my feet hitting the pavement {and of course Ice Ice Baby stroking my ear nubs}. But really, it was hard. And there were {many} times I really didn't know if I'd make it to September 2nd. A testy calf injury that crippled me for several weeks, for instance. That sucked.

But really, I am just thanking God. Because not too long ago, 4 miles seemed like an insurmountable obstacle. And when I finished that run, I had tears in my eyes and I was thanking Jesus for the strength every one of those steps required. I had done it. And I did 5 the next week, and so on. Every week has gotten harder and harder, but every week He gave me a little more strength to do a little bit more. And every time I've finished a long run in the upright position, I can't keep the smile from my face because holy cow, this might just happen. And somewhere along the way, those 4 and 5 mile runs that scared me so badly became warm-ups for my later, longer runs. And to later look at something that used to be so stinking daunting and see it now as some form of nothing... well that feels pretty darn good.

One thing I've learned? That I love running. It has become my passion. I am not good at it and good heavens I'll never be fast, but man I love it. I love that 2 days (and 30 minutes) before my 35th birthday, I'm sitting here anticipating a 13.1 mile run. Thirteen-point-freaking-one! I am more active today than I was all through my teen years or my 20's, and you know what? That feels freaking awesome. That I'm accomplishing something I never dreamed I could, and causes people to look at me like I'm crazy. Sure I was skinny before I had kids, but I wasn't fit. I was just a stick figure with no muscle and no shape. Now, halfway to my 70th birthday, I've got little-bitty muscles and am finally starting to eat like a grown up (okay so not all of it is good, haha! What I wouldn't give for some microwave S'mores right now!). I'm finding that truly nothing feels better than being on the road to fit, and I'm so thankful for an able body. God, thank you!

Tonight was my second nighttime run in this whole 6.5 months. I never knew what I was missing! Of course I've loved my early Saturday morning runs that take me uphill to a misty-covered golf course {minus the spiderwebs I relentlessly encounter- I do not love those}, and back down, passing friendly joggers on the way (and can I just say that nighttime walkers/runners are so not friendly? Holy crap, they look like they want to bite my head off for saying hi!). But nighttime is a whole 'nother ballgame. It's breezy and cool(er), I don't have to hassle with a hat or sunglasses, and I don't even have to be self-conscious that my fat pooch is sticking out of the top of my pants because hello! No one can see me! Though I'm pretty sure that tonight after I encountered some of those grouchy evening walkers, I rolled my eyes and laughed to myself, only to realize that the traffic sitting at that stoplight 5 feet away could very clearly see me, and most likely thought I had some form of Tourette's. Or better yet, multiple personalities. But no, it's not PMS time for me, so only one personality right now.

In just roughly 3 days, all you lovely souls will be sleeping soundly, and I'll be getting up at 3:30am to put on my rainbow colored tutu and make the trek from our hotel to the starting line. I would so appreciate prayer! Because it's still so scary when I think of running all the way from Disneyland to Angel Stadium and back! haha! One mile at a time, Melody. One mile at a time.