I am in tears right now. And this will probably fall under the category of "too much information" but I just need to cry.
I don't know what it is about me, but I feel like I am just totally incapable of keeping friends. SO many things have happened over the past few months that just hurt me so deeply, and I can't ever figure out what I do to chase people away.
I do all I can. I LOVE to make my friends feel special and to do things for them, and I try to do just that. I'll bake them brownies when they're feeling down or invite them over if they're having a particularly bad day. I'll pay for their haircut if they can't afford it and I want some company for mine. I'm not trying to boast about things I've done. I'm just trying to say I don't get it. I try to be understanding and listen. I will offer anything under the sun if it will make their life easier.
Yet, without fail, I am hurt. I am blown off and wonder why I'm the only one that ever invites anyone to do stuff. I'll get judged for things I do when I've always kept my mouth shut about their life. I find out that I'm just about the only person I know that wasn't invited to a birthday party and sob because I feel like a kid in school.
And every time, I sit here with tears wondering why.
Today something happened that just brings it all back. It was stupid and my friend apologized for hurting me, but it just brought back all the feelings that have culminated recently.