I am in tears right now. And this will probably fall under the category of "too much information" but I just need to cry.
I don't know what it is about me, but I feel like I am just totally incapable of keeping friends. SO many things have happened over the past few months that just hurt me so deeply, and I can't ever figure out what I do to chase people away.
I do all I can. I LOVE to make my friends feel special and to do things for them, and I try to do just that. I'll bake them brownies when they're feeling down or invite them over if they're having a particularly bad day. I'll pay for their haircut if they can't afford it and I want some company for mine. I'm not trying to boast about things I've done. I'm just trying to say I don't get it. I try to be understanding and listen. I will offer anything under the sun if it will make their life easier.
Yet, without fail, I am hurt. I am blown off and wonder why I'm the only one that ever invites anyone to do stuff. I'll get judged for things I do when I've always kept my mouth shut about their life. I find out that I'm just about the only person I know that wasn't invited to a birthday party and sob because I feel like a kid in school.
And every time, I sit here with tears wondering why.
Today something happened that just brings it all back. It was stupid and my friend apologized for hurting me, but it just brought back all the feelings that have culminated recently.
I'm sorry Mel! I wish we lived closer to each other because I'd love to hang out with you all the time. You're a great person and don't let anyone tell you differently. *hugs*
ReplyDeletei think you're wonderful! i'm sorry you're having such a tough time. i've decided that being alone and frustrated is THE WORST feeling. the only good part? it will get better. it always goes. know that we love you and think you're great! i'll say a little prayer for you that things get better. in the mean time, cry, eat ice cream, and try to enjoy 10 seconds of quiet in the sunshine! if it's cloudy, that's definite grounds for throwing a blanket over your head and yelling into a pillow:)
ReplyDeleteI've sucked in the past. I'll probably suck again many times more. I hate that it's like that- that we're so human and are capable of hurting each other so easily. In the grand scheme of things, our neglect and our negative actions are so petty when compared to love; something *everyone* wants, needs, deserves and cannot survive without. So why is it so difficult for us to walk in love so much of the time?
ReplyDeleteMelly, I am sorry that you're hurting. I can identify with this exact issue, as it has also been very heavily on my heart lately. The only thing I can think to make sense of it is that those people who are *really* your friends, and who are meant to be a solid part of your life, will stick around. Those who aren't there in the end? They were (for whatever reason) a temporary piece of your world. It's amazing to see who has stuck around for me after so many years and whom- despite my past attachment- has not.
I sincerely hope to be one of those people at your side when it's all said and done.
Melody! You didn't mention that you're also a blogger! Yay!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're so sad today. I think its something we've all gone through. I went through a really hard and lonely time when I was 17 where I would literally go to church by myself and not go out with anyone at all because I was blown off by my best friend (who was suppossed to be a Christian). During that season the Lord showed me that He is the only one I can truly rely on. I am grateful to have an amazing husband who truly is my friend, as well as girlfriends. But there are definitely times I feel the way you do, whether the hurt was intentional or not.
Hugs to you, my friend!! I'll pray for you.
I'm so sorry you're hurting Melody. I think a lot of us find ourselves feeling this same way(I know I certainly do, more often that I may admit), but don't know exactly what we can do about it.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that these people are really missing out on a wonderful friendship with you. I can't imagine why they wouldn't want to have you in their life, because I for one think you're great.
When one part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers along with it. I also identify with your hurt, but I believe the Lord dose more. He was forsaken by all, left on a cross alone, to where even the father had to turn away because in The purity and Holy Goodness of Christ, He took upon Himself the sins of the world. Only Christ could say, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". And these bruts were mocking Gods only Son. God Himself, in the flesh.
ReplyDeleteI have been through hurtful relationshjips so many times to the point that I had to turn to Gods Word for restoration and cousel.
I have lots of familiar scriptures that are coming to my mind as I write this.
right when you are ready to heal from one relationship, another comes and satan slithers in and causes discord and because of the pain of the other wound trying to heal, its hard for us to trust that another friendship will not cause another wound.
Wounds take time to heal, and until then, let God anoint you with His Holy Spirit. Allow Him to give you the peace that surpasses all understanding, the forgiveness to forgive unconditionally that agape, supernatural love that can keep the enemy from causing those roots of biterness that eat us away inside.
In the end, there is one that sticks closer than a friend. You know Him, He is our beloved Jesus. Our one true love that brings us through the vally (Ps.23) Therefore come boldly to HIs throne of Grace, because He can idetify with you.(Hebrews4)
Remember, It is not you. You are a daughter of Jesus. He has made your heart sweet. Everyone will fail us, and some bigger than others. But for the sake of our walks with Jesus and for our childeren who watch how we handle hurt, May Christ be our rock, our strong tower to run into, for saftey and refuge from the darts of the evil one.
May God bless you , and May He have Mercy on us all, giving us wisdom and desernment as we go through the firey trials that test us for perfection and Glory on that day.
Love,
Nettie
I don't know you, but I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I've been there, I think most people have, so I agree with you that it sucks. :(
ReplyDeleteI hurt with you. Sorry you were hurt. Let's get together sometime. Lizzy says " i want to go swimming with Tommy!" She saw a pic on your page where there is a pool in the backround. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteSandy
I hope you don't mind this little bit of advice but just wanted to share some things I am learning about friendships lately....I have been learning lately that although it is a good idea to be friendly and loving to all of our sisters in Christ it's best to let God chose our inner circle of friends. I have friends that I have loved and missed and hold dear to my heart through the years. I still see them now and then but the closest friend I have is Jesus. I have had to let go of some friendships when I saw that those particular sisters were not going to encourage me in the ways of the Lord or that they were bringing me down spiritually. It was hard to let go! But I had to surrender to the will of God. I will still pray for them and see them occasionally but not as often as before. I have been more careful in recent years to surround myself with those ladies that I see wisdom and grace and characteristics that I admire and want to grow in. I look for those friends. I still get my feelings hurt now and then but I know I need to forgive and the most important thing is to be careful of gossip. I have sinned in this area. Oh how God has shown and humbled me in this area. I have some deep regrets of how my words may have damaged my friends. It wasn't until the tables were turned did I see the sin in it! May God bless you with those ladies who will build you up and never tear you down. In Jesus,
ReplyDeleteSandy