Hairs cut

Okay! It's all gone! 12 inches of ponytail now sits in a Ziploc bag on my counter, and is all ready to be shipped off to Locks of Love. And, I have lost about a pound and a half during this process, just showing WHY I always felt so frumpy with all this hair on my head. LOL

A couple befores...

Right before going on the chopping block!


Last month, Easter



Long braids I won't be seeing in a while!




This was in Feb, right before a trim- prob the longest it got to. Yuck.



And drumroll please...






And this is the back...




I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! And I am madly in love with my new hairdresser. :) She is awesome! She is exactly what I wanted in a hairdresser- someone that would listen to what I wanted and really took the time to make it look like it should. I have been deprived all these years!! Both Cecilia and I got our hair done (she got a cut, I got a cut and color) and we were there 3 1/2 hours!! But we are both so happy- Cecilia looks so freaking good! I have to tell her to send me her before and afters. ;) She has the most flawless skin, and I told her she looked like Kate Beckinsale when she was done. She's beautiful!! Anyway, this hairdresser is mine forever and I will never never go back to my old one!

All the haps.

Last night I went to the BarlowGirl concert with my friend C. Oh. My. Gosh. It was so stinking awesome!! If I didn't adore them before, I am just in LOVE now. That was the best concert I have ever been to, and I can't wait to see them again!! The church they were at was a relatively small sanctuary (compared to most concert venues) so even though our seats were closer to the back, it was still a great view. They gave the best concert!! I am so in love with them!

It has been years since I went to a Christian concert- probably like 6 or 7 years when we used to go to these big Good Friday shows in Orange County (where we got to see Jeremy Camp before he even had an album out!). But I have forgotten how amazing it is to be in this ridiculously crowded room with tons of people and loud music that hurts your ears, with people lifting their hands and praising God. It's just such a beautiful thing.

And it was so great hanging out with my friend C! We never get to hang out because we're both so busy, so the only times we really get to see one another is at Bible Study or if we run into each other at church. But we always have so much fun and so much to talk about (I swear, never a quiet second!); I adore that girl.

(**Oh my gosh. We're watching a movie and Jackie Chan stuck a baby up his shirt to hide it, and then it started to nurse on him. LOL Jackie Chan's face was priceless as they kept showing the baby suckling on him while he's still trying to pretend it's not there.**)

We're in Malibu for the weekend; Mike had his first baseball game this morning! He did so well, and he had a blast. I swear, it seems like just a year ago we were taking my stepson Cracker Jack to his first baseball game.

Because I'm clearly never going to get to a more in-depth, personal update, I guess I should hit everything I can. ;) I am constantly wanting to sit and just pour my heart out, but I never have even a second.

Well, about a month ago, actually the day I got home from my women's retreat, I took a pregnancy test and it confirmed what I already knew- that I was pregnant!! I was SO overjoyed and Big Hunk was so surprised (I think after 4 kids he still doesn't know how it happens)! But, on March 10- just 8 days after I had found out- I lost the baby. :*( I was so upset, but I know God had a plan. And one day, when I see Him in Paradise, I will be with my two beautiful babies again forever. Of course it has been hard, but I have no choice but to get through it.

And, in other news that is consuming our lives, we are moving soon. Our lease is up June 1st and even though our landlord would probably let us stay longer (since the market is so bad right now and he'd probably have a hard time selling), we have just put off a bigger yard for the kids long enough. We've been at our house 2 years and the kids can never even play outside because our yard is literally the size of a patio. So we've been looking for the past few weeks. We had originally thought of moving out here to Malibu and found a house we really liked, but of course the rent out here is just ridiculous, and we thought of what an amazing house we could get in other areas for less than half we'd be paying here. We found a house in one town over that we LOVED but it didn't work out. So, right now we have a proposal in on a house that is HUGE. It is just beautiful!! By staying in an area relatively close to where we are now, we are wanting to stay at our church and closer to my parents, so this house (and others we're looking at) are perfect for those reasons. But this one has a huge yard and a pool, even with a big playground for the kids- and security cameras all over so we can watch the kids! LOL But, we shall see what the Lord has in store for us. Whatever it is, we know it's good!

Burdened beyond belief.

I am so heartbroken. After reading everyday (sometimes over and over again) what someone is going through, my soul is weary from making intercession. Sometimes, we don't receive explanations this side of heaven. Angie, the wife of one of the members of the group Selah, is going through a time most of us can only fear. She is about 32 weeks pregnant, and back in January her baby girl was diagnosed as terminal- having an enlarged heart, and undeveloped lungs because of lack of amniotic fluid. You can follow her journey here. After much prayer and medical advice, they are delivering their baby girl Audrey by c-section next Monday, April 7th. Just reading about the intense emotions surrounding them is saddening, but that they also have 3 other daughters that are experiencing all of this as well just breaks my heart.

Just a few minutes ago I was putting Mikey to bed. I didn't want to leave him. I am reminded of how few our days are with our children, no matter how healthy they are. One day, even if I live to be 80 and my children outlive me, it will seem like the blink of an eye. As I was singing "Every change reminds me of how the years have flown. I cherish each step that you take, and I praise God for change, though it makes my heart break..." I couldn't help but cry. The past 5.5 years being a mom have flown. How in the world am I going to look back on 18 years of parenting and think it was enough?

Today the kids were watching as I moved all of their keepsakes into bigger boxes (Holy cow do I save everything!). Seeing their homecoming outfits, hospital bracelets, ultrasound photos, first artwork, etc just blew me away. I swear, it was just yesterday that I was choosing homecoming outfits for Mikey's birth (we didn't know what we were having), or decorating the house for Ike's baby shower. Even if I had a hundred years, it would not be enough. I'm not ready for my kids to grow. Yet, in complete disobedience, they do it everyday. With no regard for my feelings whatsoever.

Mikey lost his first tooth yesterday. Well, second really, but this is the first he's pulled out (the other he broke when he was a baby and it kept breaking off until almost nothing was left, and the dentist finally pulled it out recently). Someone stop time! He'll be in first grade next year! Ike is going to be four this summer!

Okay- another song I love says "I'll never catch all the memories I'm chasing, I'll never be ready to let go." Holy crap am I in a sentimental mood tonight. But I just hurt so much for Angie, and I don't want to look back on all the years I did have with my kids, and see how much I missed. I want to see what I experienced with them. How I played with them. How every single day was filled with laughter and kisses. But most of all, I hope they see that too.